Today, we're off on an enthralling voyage sweeping from Michigan's heart to the awe-inspiring desert vistas of Phoenix, Arizona. Serving as our guide is the exceptional Courtney Fae Long – international speaker, author, and visionary extraordinaire in leadership development, with a laser focus on lifting women up.
Ladies, let's admit it – often, our needs end up squashed at the end of that endless to-do list. But guess what? In this episode, we're flipping that script and putting self-nurturing front and center as the key to unleashing our genuine power. Courtney and I are plunging headfirst into the world of pleasure, self-awareness, and self-love in the lives of female leaders.
So, rev up that internal battery because we're about to uncover the enormous worth of infusing joy into every nook of your life – whether you're in the work whirlwind or soaking in your cherished personal moments. When you prioritize your well-being, you naturally become the crème de la crème of leaders for everyone in your orbit.
In this episode, Courtney and I discuss:
This episode at a glance:
[05:25] As women, we are so caring and nurturing. We nurture others, we nurture our business, and we often put ourselves last on our to-do list.
[08:34] Our sexual energy is just this feeling of aliveness and joy and passion and creativity, which can be channeled into our work in our creative projects.
[12:48] We know when something lights us up and when something aligns with us. It's important to say no to the ones that don't light us up and to say yes to the ones that light us up.
[16:45] Cause when we get stressed, we tend to disconnect from our body and go way into our head and the anxiety feeling.
[22:40] Our happiness matters. The bottom line matters. The task at hand matters. The project matters. But if we're not happy, healthy, and energized, we can't show up.
Resources and links mentioned in this episode
You might also like
More about the “My Good Woman” podcast
My Good Woman is a podcast for bold female le
Want to increase revenue and impact? Listen to “My Good Woman” for insights on business strategy and female leadership to scale your business. Each episode offers advice on effective communication, team building, and management. Learn to master routines and systems to boost productivity and prevent burnout. Our delegation tips and business consulting will advance your executive leadership skills and presence.
Today, we're off on an enthralling voyage sweeping from Michigan's heart to the awe-inspiring desert vistas of Phoenix, Arizona. Serving as our guide is the exceptional Courtney Fae Long – international speaker, author, and visionary extraordinaire in leadership development, with a laser focus on lifting women up.
Ladies, let's admit it – often, our needs end up squashed at the end of that endless to-do list. But guess what? In this episode, we're flipping that script and putting self-nurturing front and center as the key to unleashing our genuine power. Courtney and I are plunging headfirst into the world of pleasure, self-awareness, and self-love in the lives of female leaders.
So, rev up that internal battery because we're about to uncover the enormous worth of infusing joy into every nook of your life – whether you're in the work whirlwind or soaking in your cherished personal moments. When you prioritize your well-being, you naturally become the crème de la crème of leaders for everyone in your orbit.
In this episode, Courtney and I discuss:
This episode at a glance:
[05:25] As women, we are so caring and nurturing. We nurture others, we nurture our business, and we often put ourselves last on our to-do list.
[08:34] Our sexual energy is just this feeling of aliveness and joy and passion and creativity, which can be channeled into our work in our creative projects.
[12:48] We know when something lights us up and when something aligns with us. It's important to say no to the ones that don't light us up and to say yes to the ones that light us up.
[16:45] Cause when we get stressed, we tend to disconnect from our body and go way into our head and the anxiety feeling.
[22:40] Our happiness matters. The bottom line matters. The task at hand matters. The project matters. But if we're not happy, healthy, and energized, we can't show up.
Resources and links mentioned in this episode
You might also like
More about the “My Good Woman” podcast
My Good Woman is a podcast for bold female le
Want to increase revenue and impact? Listen to “My Good Woman” for insights on business strategy and female leadership to scale your business. Each episode offers advice on effective communication, team building, and management. Learn to master routines and systems to boost productivity and prevent burnout. Our delegation tips and business consulting will advance your executive leadership skills and presence.
My Good Woman
Ep. 26 | Pleasure as a Productivity Hack: How to Fuel Your Work and Life with Joy
Dawn Andrews:
Hello, friends. Welcome to My Good Woman, the podcast for new and future female leaders. I'm your host, Dawn Andrews, a happily married hockey mom, and the founder and CEO of Free Range Thinking, business strategy consulting. Grab a seat at the table with me each week for candid conversations with culture shifting glass, ceiling busting, trailblazing women.
Leading impactful enterprises, we discuss what makes them tick, how they get it all done, and actionable strategies to help you lead with confidence and grow the visibility, reach, and revenue of your business. We're classy ladies, but we don't bleep the swear words. Listener discretion is advised.
Do you ever feel unmotivated or drained of your creative juices at work? Then this conversation is for you today. You'll discover the surprising connection between leadership, pleasure, and productivity as we journey from the heart of Michigan to the desert landscape of Phoenix, Arizona.
Get ready to be captivated by the incredible story of Courtney Fae Long an international speaker, author, and visionary in the realm of leadership development; especially for women. In this episode, we dive into Courtney's unexpected path and explore how to ignite our own leadership fire within by unlocking the connection between female pleasure, sexuality, confidence, success, and even the flow of money. Enjoy my conversation with my good woman, Courtney Fae Long.
Courtney Faye Long. Welcome to the My Good Woman Podcast. I'm so excited that you're here.
Courtney Long [00:02:02] Thank you so much, Dawn. I'm so happy to be here.
Dawn Andrews [00:02:05]
It's funny, we were chit-chatting a little bit before we officially started. I'm making little rabbit quotes because nobody can see me making rabbit quotes. I was thinking about you because I was in a doctor's appointment for, I tore my elbow. I don't even know how I did it, but as I was sitting there killing time, waiting for the doctor, I was scrolling through Instagram reels and there was a wonderful quote that came up that said, "You're not stressed because you're doing too much. You're stressed because you're not doing enough--- of the things that you love and give you joy, pleasure, and energy." what a perfect quote before I have this wonderful conversation with you today.
Courtney Long [00:02:43] Oh my gosh. That is perfect.
Dawn Andrews [00:02:45]
For the listeners to understand, the reason I invited Courtney today, secretly behind the scenes, she and I are business BFFs.
We're in a wonderful business mastermind, which I've mentioned before on the show, but specifically we're here because she has a really interesting approach to what can help fuel leaders to be at their best. And it's going to surprise you. It may push your boundaries just the slightest amount, but if it leaves you feeling some excitement and playful and joyful and some possibility and having a little bit more space to be able to lead your company, it is well worth your time for listening today.
So Courtney, would you share just a little bit about who you are and where you came from. Little origin story.
Courtney Long [00:03:29]
I was born and raised in Michigan. Now I live in Phoenix, Arizona. I have my master's degree in social work, and I'm an international speaker and author, and also I'm the creator of Mariposa Sacred Sexuality and the Four Step Glow System. And when I was a little girl growing up in Michigan, I would've never guessed that I would become a coach, an author and speaker. And never in a million years would I have guessed that I would be teaching about sexuality and the connection of our own sexual fire to our happiness and health and confidence and success and money flow.
Dawn Andrews: [00:04:08]
Woo. So tell me what was in the gap between being raised in Michigan? It's a nice big space between that and Arizona and all that's filled it. But what is it about those topics? Like how did that first come to be an interest of yours?
Courtney Long [00:04:22]
I always wanted to help people. That was what drew me to become a social worker. And interestingly, even within social work, I majored in management and leadership, so how to manage and lead a nonprofit organization. And even my very first social work job, I started out as an assistant director, 24 years old.
I was the social worker and an assistant director for a nonprofit. And then within six months they promoted me to become the director. So at age 24, I was managing and leading 20 people on the staff and over 80 clients at the adult day healthcare center per day. It was, it was really overwhelming and I noticed a big theme in my work life with stress and then health issues.
The more stressed I was, the more tense my body became. I started having insomnia, anxiety. And so I feel like over my life I've been on a quest for how can I have the best stress relief and self-care? And then when I became a transformational life coach and certified hypnotherapist, which was in 2009, and I started my own business, I was on a mission to help caring people with self-care. How can we fill our cup so that we can be energized and happy and healthy for other people?
Especially women and especially leaders, we as women, we are so caring and nurturing. We nurture others, we nurture our business, and we often put ourselves last on our to-do list, which is what I was doing. So over time, I ended up having a really big health crash in 2015.
I was literally working every day of the week from the time I woke up to the time I went to bed, minus meals and a workout. I was not prioritizing pleasure, I was putting pleasure on the back burner. And I also wasn't making time for sacred self-care. You know how we have basic self-care needs?
Like we must sleep, we must eat, we must drink water. But then there's this next level self-care that helps us to thrive and feel really good and alive. So I wasn't making time for that next level of self-care. And at the same time, I had this really surprising experience in my life where I was, single.
And I ended up connecting with this gentleman and we ended up becoming lovers and we had the most amazing, passionate. Two to three hour love making sessions. and I'm imagining the listeners are like, why is she talking about sex? I'm gonna make a connection, so hang in there with me. so what was so fascinating to me was before this experience, I always thought that sex was something very separate from the rest of my life.
Something that I do in the bedroom, close the bedroom door, and that's where it starts. That's where it ends. And what I noticed was these love making sessions were so enlivening and they were lighting me up from the inside out. I had more energy, I had more creativity. I had been writing a book for a solid year but I wasn't that happy with it.
Courtney Long [00:07:31]
So once I was having these amazing sexual experiences, I was on fire for writing my book and it was crystal clear what to write and I ended up with a whole third draft, which became my final draft in the matter of a few months. So I was just astounded I was like, my confidence was increasing, all of these effects were happening in my outer life, but I didn't still really pay that much attention to it until after the health crash.
And I started reflecting on my own sexual experiences. I'd been studying different forms of sacred sexuality. There's a lot of different forms out there, but Tantra is, tantra's a broad word, but for those who
Dawn Andrews [00:08:09] it's the most familiar word to most people. Yeah.
Courtney Long [00:08:13] I was on a mission to just figure out how can I be more energized?
And so what ended up happening was I created the Four Step Glow System I now teach people how to connect with our bodies, open our heart, embrace our sexual energy, cuz there's a big difference between having sex and our sexual energy.
Our sexual energy is just this feeling inside of us of aliveness and joy and passion and creativity. And that feeling can be channeled into our work, in our creative projects. And that feeling is for us. It's not about a partner or a lover. We can share it with a partner or lover, but it's really meant for us to charge ourselves up like our own internal battery. So through my exploration, I discovered how to energize myself and how to show up at work overflowing with love and joy and abundance, and how I say how to work hotter, not harder.
Dawn Andrews [00:09:11]
I love it. So we are creating this as a video. And you may or may not be seeing it ultimately as a video, but I just need you to know that everything that Courtney just described about herself is showing up on screen. On camera there is vibrancy and energy and joy, and it is blasting at me out of the screen in the best possible way.
As you were describing your experience of, doing well at what you do, so much so that you advanced rather quickly. The responsibility curve tsunamied over the top of you and your 24 year old self in the way that you just described it and feeling what that's like.
As a business owner, there have been times when each time my business has up-leveled it has felt something like that where there's a way you've been doing things and maybe you've organized yourself into working a particular way. And then because what you're doing is adding value and more people find you and find your work, you end up with a really busy business and or demands on your time or requests for speaking or whatever that may be. And it gets ahead of you. So as you were describing your stressful moment in your 24's, I was nodding my head and going Uhhuh, uhhuh. And having to remind myself to take a deep breath even as we're having this conversation, cuz just you talking about it, is making it present.
Courtney Long [00:10:33]
Yeah. All those responsibilities that pile up and then what I learned in society was when responsibilities pile up, we work harder and faster and sacrifice our own sleep or our own self-care in order to keep up.
Dawn Andrews: [00:10:47]
I'm raising my hand. Yes. I recognize that I'm not a fan of the idea of like work-life balance but that you've had times when you've been underneath that responsibility tsunami, and then you've had times when you've been enlivened, like you said, from the inside out, and things have felt a little more aligned maybe, or when those things come together and you're using your sexual energy to enliven yourself and channel that into your projects, what is that state? How do you describe it?
Courtney Long [00:11:21]
Yeah, it is a state of feeling turned on and joyful and alive. So I have a lot more energy, a lot more creativity, and it's easier from that state to notice which projects light me up and which ones just turn me off or are lukewarm? We have this internal barometer, and I call it our glow meter. We know when something lights us up and when something is really in alignment for us.
And we have so many opportunities. And so it's important to say no to the ones that don't light us up and to say yes to the ones that really light us up okay, on a scale of one to 10, 10 being highest, how lit up am I about this particular project or opportunity or whatever it is?
And that's really helpful for those who are keyed in with numbers or even just tune into your body and just notice, does your body get excited or does your body lean in or light up about something? Or does your body feel, like a pit in the stomach or for me, sometimes I just feel dull when something isn't really in alignment for me.
Dawn Andrews [00:12:34]
I was just thinking about how that relates to women in leadership in a couple of different states. If you are the founder and owner of your own enterprise, you have an opportunity to look at what comes to you and decide how it resonates in a way that maybe you don't as much if you're employed by someone else, if there's a set of responsibilities, and you're inside a corporate organization for instance.
How do you translate what you just described when maybe you don't have as much choice or perceive that you have as much choice inside the structure that you're in?
Courtney Long [00:13:10]
Yeah, that is such a great question. It's reminding me, actually, of a client that I've been working with, and she's inside a corporation where she doesn't have choice over which projects that she takes on, but she's been swimming in a sea of far too much responsibility and losing sleep, having health issues because of it. And so one thing that I helped her with was to go to her supervisor and just say, this is not working. Something needs to change and to say more or less that she's very much wanting to do a great job and to be there for the company, but what can be done and to bring some ideas for change.
So she ended up actually moving into a whole different position. She created a new position for herself and then delegated some of her old tasks to a whole new team member. So I think part of it is just using our voice and advocating for ourselves if something is not working or looking for those creative opportunities. If there's something you know, you'd rather be doing and talking about that with the supervisor, or even bringing in creative ideas of, Hey, I see that we could be doing something more efficiently in the company.
Here's a few ideas. Are you open to listening to them?
But if there's just no possibility to change workload or tasks, responsibilities, then I would suggest bringing pleasure to the workday. And that could look like many things. It could look like enjoying a delicious cup of coffee or tea and really savoring it.
Or it could be taking a deep breath between answering each email or doing a grounding exercise where you just. Feel into your body and notice your body every half hour. Take a moment to pause and just feel into your legs or rub your arms. Just do a little bit of sensual touch.
So lots of different ways we can add pleasure and stay connected to ourselves. Cause when we get stressed we tend to disconnect from our body and go way into our head and way into the anxiety feeling. So staying connected to our body is a great way to just be more present and be calmer.
Dawn Andrews [00:15:22]
So Courtney was telling me a little bit about her view of pleasure. Would you share the different sort of types of pleasure that you've identified and what each of the examples of what those look like?
Courtney Long [00:15:31]
So the dictionary definition of pleasure, I think is spot on. It says that pleasure is a feeling of happy satisfaction or delight. Isn't that lovely?
Dawn Andrews [00:15:43]
That's so good. I kind of wanna tattoo that on my arm so that I can just remind myself and just have it on my forearm to pop it up every now and then.
Courtney Long [00:15:52]
I love it. So pleasure is a feeling of happy satisfaction or delight. So when you think about pleasure, there's so many things that can bring us happiness and delight, and I divide it into three categories. So the first category is everyday pleasure. And those are the things that we do every day that we can enjoy more thoroughly. Such as enjoying the flavor of our tea or coffee, or actually noticing the taste of our food as we're eating it, rather than scarfing it down while we're working.
Dawn Andrews [00:16:27]
Oh my gosh, my older son is now 15, but when he was a littler guy, we would have whatever dessert was for dinner, after dinner and if it was ice cream cake, a cookie, whatever it was, he would take the tiniest bites and all of us would have finished our dessert and he would still be taking little tiny bites.
And we're like, dude, why is it taking you so long to eat your dessert? And he was like, I'm savoring it. And I have no idea where he found the word or the process, but he still, to this day, loves to savor his dessert. And that's what I hear in your description.
Courtney Long [00:17:01]
Yes, that's exactly it. Yes. It's like that phrase, stop and smell the roses. It's just like that. It's just being present and enjoying those little moments of life. So that's everyday pleasure. Then the next category is sensual pleasure, which is. Where we really engage our senses fully, especially our sense of touch.
So that one is things like having a massage or even taking a few moments to massage our own arms or legs or our own shoulders. anything that just really fully brings us into our body and our five senses. So that e sensual pleasure. And then the third category is sexual pleasure. Anything that lights us up and engages our sexual energy, whether that is love-making or self-pleasure, or even just those feelings of being turned on inside.
And when I talk about being turned on too, sometimes that feels like sexual turn on, but sometimes it just feels like excitement is turned on, joy is turned on. There's many different ways to look at being turned on, but all three of these forms of pleasure are really important. Everyday pleasure, sensual pleasure, and sexual pleasure.
And we all have a pleasure tank, this invisible tank within our body, that it's important for us to fill our pleasure tank every day so that when we are giving to others, we're doing so from an overflowing pleasure tank, and that we stay energized and happy and healthy. So one thing that can be really fun to do is make a list of 10 different forms of pleasure that you enjoy, and then look at how you can add those in, because sometimes it's something little.
Courtney Long [00:18:42]
Like I, I love essential oils, especially my favorite one is called Joy. I love how it smells. It makes me happy. So I'll keep that essential oil on my desk, and then when I get a little stressed, I just open the bottle and smell it, and [00:19:00] it brings me to a much happier place. And it's just that simple. So there's lots of different forms of pleasure that we can weave into our workday that don't have to take a lot of time.
But also I really love the idea of five-minute pleasure breaks or five-minute joy breaks. And that would be taking a five-minute break and doing something that brings you joy or pleasure. And I like the idea too, of making a list of different ones. So you can refer to the list when you just have an extra five minutes or when you create five minutes, cuz sometimes we don't have an extra five minutes.
But it could be like watching a funny video, texting a friend that uplifts your spirits or reading a positive affirmation or anything that brings you joy and pleasure that you can do in just a few minutes.
Dawn Andrews [00:19:46]
Everything that you've just shared, small and or even more complex ways of experiencing and making time and space for pleasure. How do you help your clients overcome their resistance to [00:20:00] even entertaining that idea, like entertaining the idea of savoring their cup of coffee? Sometimes it can feel, it can almost feel artificial, especially when we've when what feels normal is working in a stressful loop.
Taking a minute to even sip and notice your tea seems ludicrous. Like it, the disparity can seem really huge. And then when you think about taking five-minute breaks, or, oh my God, how dare you take a 30-minute walk outside during a busy workday, like, how do you help your clients overcome whatever resistance they may have to allowing more pleasure in their lives?
Courtney Long [00:20:37]
That is a brilliant question. Brilliant question. First and foremost, I say that you matter, that each of us really matters, and our health matters. Our happiness matters. And yes, the bottom line matters. Yes, the task at hand or project matters, all of that matters too. But if we are not happy and healthy and energized, then we [00:21:00] can't show up for anyone.
So it's really about prioritizing ourselves first before prioritizing work. And then the other part of it is that pleasure actually boosts our productivity and our society basically says that. Productivity is way more important than pleasure, right? That we've gotta keep working and save the pleasure for when we're done with everything on our to-do list or when we go on vacation.
But I know so many people that don't take vacations for one thing, and then who really ever gets everything done on our to-do list? If anyone does, I commend you,
Dawn Andrews [00:21:37]
I would like to hear about it. Somebody DMed me if you've successfully done that at any given point, even if it just happened one time in your whole life, cuz I have yet to see it happen.
Courtney Long [00:21:46]
Right? So if we save pleasure for the end of our to-do list, we're never going to get to it. And the reality is that pleasure actually boosts our productivity because it does energize us. It boosts our creativity, and it even helps us to access more of our intuition, those brilliant ideas that just pop in out of nowhere.
So one thing that I like to tell clients is if they just take a five-minute joy break and just let go for a few minutes, they might have the most brilliant idea come to them that they've ever had. And one story that just constantly delights me is a colleague of mine, she was creating a class and she was really stuck on what to call the class, what the content should be.
Just one of those things where she was trying really hard and stuck and one morning she woke up and it was raining outside, and this was in Phoenix, Arizona. It's a miracle when it's raining outside. And so she got this feeling to go play in the rain. And it was, she was warm and cozy in bed, but she listened to that feeling.
Courtney Long [00:22:52]
She went outside and played in the rain. And while she was playing in the rain, the idea for this class just dropped in out of nowhere. And she knew exactly what to call it, exactly what to teach. And it was easy. And part of this, the way I see it too, it's balancing the doing and the being. And when we are just in the being.
Which is actually more of our feminine energy when we are in that place. We are open and receptive to ideas popping into creative inspiration, and so what, just understanding this all and how it works, I think makes it more valuable to take those pleasure breaks because it actually might lead to million-dollar ideas that completely rock your company and completely rock the world, help you fulfill your mission, but you won't receive those ideas if you're just constantly sitting at your desk pushing and striving and struggling.
Dawn Andrews [00:23:46]
And as somebody who, my company's called Free Range thinking, I am a right and left-brained person, and as my business has grown, there have been times when I've gone far more left brained, more logic, more structure, more system, more process more, if this than that. and I'd like to share with folks that sometimes I'm in cycles of stress and I get it.
But if you're feeling like, yeah, I really appreciate what Courtney's saying, but that it just, that it won't work for me. it's not possible. Even taking five minutes seems ridiculous. It can feel like a leap of faith to believe that if you give yourself more joy that. Better business ideas will come, that more clients will come. That you'll be in a better place, better place if you give yourself that space. So I would just encourage anyone listening if you're feeling that if you're feeling that grind and stress and nonstop, acknowledge that's what's going on and be willing to give yourself just a little test drive with it. Take it on, like an experiment, and give yourself the sip tea. Savor your ice cream, like my older son, and see how you feel afterwards. just test it and then come back to it.
Courtney Long [00:24:58]
Absolutely. Yeah,exactly. It's reminding me actually of a study now this is going to the third type of pleasure, the sexual pleasure. There was a study that was done among newlywed couples, and it was several hundred people in the study, and they found that when these couples had sex, that for 48 hours after having sex, they felt happier.
They felt closer to their partner. They felt. More bonded and yeah, just a closer, deeper connection. And they felt lighter and this effect lasted for 48 hours. They call it the afterglow effect. Isn't that cool?
Dawn Andrews [00:25:37] It's so cool.
Courtney Long [00:25:39]
And I think many of us know that feeling. It's like when we do something good for ourselves, whether it's have sex or we take an afternoon off and just relax if that ever happens, or a five-minute joy break, whenever we do something good for ourselves, it feels so good, it's so nourishing.
And then we return to our work with a whole new vigor and creativity and hopefully some joy and energy. And so it is worth it, like you said, just even trying it, even little tiny bits here and there and just noticing how you feel and yeah, it just makes such a big difference.
Dawn Andrews [00:26:16]
I'm feeling the need to start daisy-chaining things a little bit. So my version of this, usually Sundays are a day off and my Sundays can be real super lazy, like real, don't get outta bed till 11, shuffle around the house in my pajamas. And I'm a mom of two boys who have hockey practice and thi like, there are things going on and sometimes on a Sunday, I will really check out.
I will check out completely and it's such a different Monday. When that happens, because I come to Monday and I feel so excited to be back in, work is my playground and sometimes it's very challenging. But when I have those Sundays off where I've been super chill and I come back to work on Monday, I'm excited to be there.
I do have fresh ideas. I do have, new connections that I've made in my brain between one project or another, or one person or another. But similar to the vacation effect that we were talking about earlier, I find that by the end of the day, Monday, it's almost like I've played through, I, it's like I've burned up all that fuel and then Tuesday comes and I'm like, okay, here we go. I just don't have an ongoing refill of that. So how do you keep your tank beyond full? Like consistently full?
Courtney Long: [00:27:33]
Yeah, it's definitely balancing this doing and then being, and the pleasure, the pleasure in being are so connected. And so for example, if I am working on a creative project and I just reach a wall where I'm like, okay, I need to step away from the computer, Courtney, step away from the computer.
I say it out loud and then I'll go just do something simple make a cup of tea or go stand outside for five minutes or something. That brings me pleasure and fills me up with joy. Also, something I've been experimenting with lately. And of course, I have a lot of freedom cause I'm an entrepreneur and I work from home.
But something I'm really experimenting with is, what if I go have a self-care appointment in the middle of the workday? And usually, I come back to work feeling really energized or I have a creative idea while I'm in my self-care appointment, like having a massage or a chiropractic adjustment or whatever it is.
Courtney Long [00:28:32]
And sometimes I come home and I'm like, I can't work anymore today. And then I feel guilty cuz I'm like, oh, I should be working more. But I just deal with those feelings of guilt because it's all the programming around the productivity and how we're supposed to work. And so I experiment with, what happens if I don't work quite as much.
Can I still be just as productive? And the reality is, yes, I can be just as productive and have been just as productive because just like you're saying, I'll come back with more creativity and joy and putting the ideas together. It's really quite incredible. So for me, it's taking small breaks and also staying very connected to my body. And sometimes that means I am prioritizing my own self-pleasure or sex, or I'm prioritizing my self-care and doing whatever it takes so that I can show up as the best version of me.
Dawn Andrews [00:29:26]
Do you find that there is a different outcome if you plan those moments on purpose as opposed to if it just spontaneously occurs?
Courtney Long [00:29:35]
That is a great question. For me, it works really well to plan them because I still do have a tendency to just keep working and working, and except for those moments where I might hit a wall or get tired or something. but, so for me, planning it in is great. Even though I've been doing this for I think five years now. This balance of play and pleasure and work and bringing the joy and the pleasure and the play into work. But it's still a, a mental battle some moments, but it's so worth it. So for me, planning is helpful.
Dawn Andrews [00:30:05]
Yeah. okay. the typical, week of Courtney Faye Long, what does it look like for you with work and pleasure
Courtney Long [00:30:13]
I have a morning practice. I love morning practices and for me it is journaling. I wake up and I make a cup of tea and I sit and I journal. And sometimes I only can do it for a certain amount of time because I've gotta get onto a project. And other times I just let myself free flow until I feel complete. I don't set an alarm. My body has a good internal clock, so that makes me feel more relaxed to not wake up to
Dawn Andrews [00:30:38] to wake up when you're ready to wake up.
Courtney Long [00:30:41]
Exactly. Wake up when I'm ready to wake up. I am single and I have no kids. So it's different if you're not a mom versus if you're a mom or if you've got a partner that you're living with, of course.
I have the luxury of a little more free time than. Those who are mothers. but, so then I dive in and I do my creative work for several hours. I'm more creative in the morning, so I also really honor my body's rhythms. I don't schedule meetings or appointments till the afternoon, cuz that is just the rhythm that works really well for me.
And then I definitely spend time outside. So I go hiking. I sit and just bask in the sunshine whenever possible. I have my self-care appointments yeah, there's this constant flow of doing and being producing and then relaxing. And sometimes I'll even take a nap in the middle of the day if I'm feeling it. And then the nice thing is I have ideas coming in during the nap or sometimes I just need a little mental break too. Then I come back to my work refreshed.
Dawn Andrews [00:31:42]
It’s great that you share that because I do the same. And there have been times when I have been very judgmental of myself for doing that, and I had somebody give me the best definition of success at work. And, year over year, I've always defined, okay, what does success look like for me this year at work?
What, are there certain accomplishments? Are there ways of being, and usually the ways of being comes farther down on the list? I forget that. How do I wanna feel? How does I, how do I wanna experience work? Usually ends up at the end of the list after all of the productive stuff happens first. But I have found consistently that when I can pop a nap in the middle of the day, there's always something good that comes out of it. And so this definition of success and freedom was being able to work whenever you want, however you want. And it was helpful to me because I think that in thinking about freedom when it comes to work and being an entrepreneur and starting my own business, I was thinking of it as in that nine to five window.
Dawn Andrews [00:32:42]
I'll only work four hours a day, or I'll somehow reduce the total volume of time that I'm working. And sometimes that's just not possible with the kind of work that I've developed for myself. But when somebody revealed to me that idea of working when you want, how you want, then I was like, I'm awake at six in the morning, and right now I'm feeling really inspired to work on a particular project or program. And then at 11 in the morning, I just close my eyes for a little bit because I need to, power cycle is what I call it. it's almost like when you reboot your computer and so it's me, 15 or 20 minutes and I reboot, and then I'm able to go either into other things in my day or back to work if I want to.
And once I broke from that structure of feeling like work had to happen in particular time, slots in a particular way, so much freedom came out of that. And to your point, like more pleasure because then working at 6:00 AM isn't a chore. It's a, I'm awakened. I'm turned on about this particular idea. I want to get it out. I'm like, there's something that has to come out because I'm really excited about it.
Courtney Long[00:33:41]
Yes. Oh my gosh. That's brilliant. Yeah, exactly. And that goes into that beingness and going with the flow and feeling turned on and letting that turn on guide us, not so much the task master that says we have to do this and have to do that. And another thing actually that I absolutely love about the way that I work now is typically any week I have three really important projects or goals I'm working on.And sometimes it's actually just one big project, but there's three different components. So I just think, what are my top three priorities for the week? And then I have blocks of project time. And when I'm working on project time, I don't check my emails. once in a while I sneak one in, but for the most part, I focus and really give myself that space.
Courtney Long [00:34:28]
But then knowing I have three priorities, I tune in to myself and I ask, which one of these do I feel like working on right now? it is so much more fun and more productive to work on something that I feel inspired to work on cuz it flows versus when I sit at my computer and I try to, for example, work on the book I'm writing and it's not flowing.
Cause especially when I have a big project, sometimes I get frustrated with myself that it's taking me longer than I want and then that really causes me more stress and [00:35:00] then it doesn't feel good. And then I realize why am I doing this project anyway? It's certainly to help people, but it's also cause I want to do it for me too,
Dawn Andrews [00:35:09]
Yeah, you get to benefit from having done as well. It's not just about you, you draining your life force to
Courtney Long [00:35:17] Yeah, absolutely. Yep. Exactly.
Dawn Andrews [00:35:20] it's, try it. One of the words that you've used a lot is flow.
And I feel like there's something interesting. In the feminine versus masculine approach to things. So when I'm at my best, when I have those more turned on moments and when things come with ease, it's usually when I allow them to flow and I'm checking in with myself and I'm, you know, starting with whatever I'm most excited about.
And the times when it's harder is when I'm trying to muscle through it, and not that women can't have muscles, by the way, we can be very strong and powerful people physically, emotionally, and everything else, but it is an experience to me of it's like you're pushing or forcing or just without choice.
Courtney Long:[00:36:00]
That's a great way to put it without choice. Absolutely. And it's this, ideally, it's this balance of exerting some effort. But then letting that inspiration flow through us so that it doesn't feel like we're exerting effort. So it's not pushing, it's flowing and letting a creative idea flow through us or letting, our own turn on or feeling lit up, letting that guide the way so that we feel energized as we do it, and in a way, it doesn't even feel like work. Those are my favorite moments when I'm like, I don't feel like working.
Dawn Andrews [00:36:35] Oh, me too. You're like, I just showed up and it's just coming out. I don't
Courtney Long [00:36:38] Yeah, absolutely. Yeah.
Dawn Andrews [00:36:40]
I love that. so what tips do you have for us here? We are entrepreneurial people, building things, and sometimes juggling I'm a mom of two. I'm married, I'm, a friend, a sister, uh, all the different roles that we play as women. And sometimes it's, it is a lot.
Courtney Long [00:36:56]
Yes. One thing is to be honest with yourself about what you really want and how you thrive. So it's like I mentioned earlier, the difference between our basic self-care and then our sacred self-care or next-level self-care, whatever words resonate with you. So I would make a list of what is your basic self-care, sleep, food, meals.
Dawn Andrews [00:37:19] Maslow's hierarchy of needs.
Courtney Long [00:37:21]
Yeah. Yes. And then make a list of the self-care on which you would really thrive. Like for example, you'd thrive if you could have a massage every two weeks, or every month, or every week example. You'd thrive if you could be experiencing more vacations or experiencing more sexual pleasure, whatever it is.
So be honest with yourself about what would actually help you to thrive and then start planning some of those Thriving Self Cares into your calendar. Like even just a little tiny bit here and there, or one for the whole next month. That would be better than nothing. And then the other thing is remembering that you really matter and that what you need matters, and that when your cup is overflowing or your pleasure tank is overflowing, that benefits everyone around you.
Which goes back to this concept of our inner glow. When we feel turned on, when we glow from deep within, that glow is contagious and people can feel it, right? So I feel like we all have a mission to make the world a better place through our company, our business. Whatever our actual mission is. But at the basic level, I feel like our purpose, our mission, is really to share love, to share joy, to connect with people, and just to be in, in these good, beautiful vibes.
And people can feel that. and even your customers, clients, coworkers, team members, they can all feel it too. When you are glowing from inside, when you are happy and overflowing with joy and with pleasure, it's like it makes a difference in everyone's lives around you. So remember then that your own pleasure is not just for you, it's also for everyone around you, and it's part of your purpose.
Dawn Andrews [00:39:11]
How do you refill your tank when you've taken a big hit big hit, like maybe there's been a loss in your life, maybe your company is failing and you have to let it go. Or maybe your marriage isn't going the way that you thought it would. Like, Sometimes it's challenging, even in stressful times to be able to generate these moments of pleasure. When you're feeling at your lowest, how do you approach generating these moments of pleasure? And not to be sexual about it, but like when you just can't get it up, how do you approach that?
Courtney Long [00:39:39]
I would say the most important thing is just meeting ourselves wherever we are. So there are days when I am just a crying mess and it's important to just let it all flow through and let ourselves feel whatever we need to feel Sometimes the self-care that we need is cuddling with a blanket or calling a friend. And so take it to the basics of whatever is needed in that moment.
And if you don't feel like being pleasurable or enjoying a five-minute joy break because you're in the middle of grief or sadness or loss, that's okay. You don't have to just do whatever would be comforting to you in that moment.
Dawn Andrews [00:40:19]
Yeah, I asked the question because I realized that even as we've been in this joyful and delicious conversation that I, there still is that part of my brain that is already okay, I got another thing on my to-do list schedule. Figure out what my joy is schedule in my joy periods. I'm like, I'm taking it on like it's a productivity exercise and not wrong in essence because taking some time for pleasure and being joyful is a productivity exercise.
But I'm looking at the scheduling of it and the figuring out of it from this very left-brain point of view. Is there other than just acknowledging that's what's happening, which is always a great start for anything, are there other approaches, other ways that you help your clients and people that are involved in your work to see it as a joyful exercise. Instead, my for this week are scheduling, I.
Courtney Long [00:41:13]
That is such a great point. I would say too that to honor that part of us that wants to be productive and that wants to schedule it in and okay, here's my joy time because that is putting our productivity to good use. so it's okay to be like, that is the first thing. And the second thing is, if you like to be a little more spontaneous about it, then it might just be one of those things where you just let yourself free flow with it a little bit.
Or just maybe you create a little bit of space in your schedule and then you tune into what do you feel like doing in that moment? Do you wanna be productive? Do you wanna have a joy break? So that, that could be another good way to do it too. I do think there's something about when we actually just enjoy the pleasure and the joy.
It lifts our spirits. It increases our energy. Again, it boosts our creativity, even helps us hear our intuition. There's so much about it that gives us more energy so then we can return to our work with more vigor and joy But it's not just about that. It's also just about feeling happy and just feeling good as we're working too. My biggest takeaway so far from our conversation if nothing else, if there's one thing that you can do, is to leave that little sliver of space to be able to feel where you are. what's happening for you right now? Are you stressed? Are you up in your head and out of your body?
Dawn Andrews [00:42:38]
There were so many things happening today that. As I was driving to an appointment after starting at six and one thing after another, after another with very little transition time in between. And as I was in the car driving way too fast to go get the elbow fixed, I had to consciously exhale all the way, like I had to realize I have been taking like short breaths.
I haven't actually inhaled or exhaled all the way and probably haven't for the last five hours as I was going from thing to thing. So there are many gifts I'm taking away from our chat today, Courtney, but lack of judgment, just being able to be okay with where things are and then to check in with yourself to know how else to say it, but as I'm saying it, it's like I keep touching my, my heart center.
You know, I just keep touching my chest with that idea of being able to check in.
Courtney Long [00:43:27]
Absolutely cause that connection to ourselves, it's really the foundation of everything. Because how do we know what lights us up if we're not connected to ourselves first and foremost? And then also when we are in that stress go mode, we're in our sympathetic nervous system, the fight, flight, or freeze or fawn system.
And it is very taxing on our body and our house. And it can be very harmful when we're only in the sympathetic nervous system all the time. So even just taking those moments to pause helps put us in our parasympathetic nervous system, the rest and digest, the relax, the all is well, which also can help us to be more productive because we're calmer, more clear-headed and more creative that way too.
Dawn Andrews [00:44:11]
I believe that you have a resource that would be helpful for everybody that's listening if you are. Anywhere akin to anything I've described or anything that Courtney has described and you think this would be beneficial for you? What? What you got to share with us?
Courtney Long [00:44:26]
Yes. I have an ebook for you to download and it's called The Seven Surprising Benefits of Pleasure for Health, happiness, and Work-Life Balance, which I sometimes call work play, pleasure, balance,
Dawn Andrews [00:44:40] Ooh.
Courtney Long [00:44:41]
Not fun work balance, and yeah, and it goes into the three different types of pleasure that we talked about, and it goes into different benefits of pleasure, like stress relief, increased productivity, and so on. So it's a fun, easy read, cuz I know everyone's busy, so it shouldn't take long at all. And then there's also a free gift at the end of it. Yes. A bonus free gift within the free gift.
Dawn Andrews [00:45:05]
Oh my gosh. The layers on layers of joy is awesome. I'm gonna download it. So if you're looking for this, it will be the details and the links will be in the show notes. I will download it because I'm very excited to read it myself.I have one more question before you go.Imagine that you are in the middle of Times Square and you have the biggest sparkliest billboard to share a message with female leaders across the world. What would you put on that billboard?
Courtney Long [00:45:32]
I would put on the billboard, you matter and you are loved cuz I don't think people hear that enough.
Dawn Andrews [00:45:40]
That is on point. And it would probably have a nice green, sparkly shade around it too. Courtney, you guys, Courtney's eyes are piercingly beautifully green. They're crazy green. So whatever color that is should be your background color with that message.
Courtney Long [00:45:56] Thank you. So I do love sparkles and glitter. That's for sure.
Dawn Andrews [00:46:02]
Courtney, thank you so much for being here with me today and for bringing all of that loves and deliciousness and joy to my screen and to my heart. I appreciate it.
Courtney Long [00:46:11]
Oh my gosh. Thank you so much, Dawn, for having me. I'm so grateful and I wanna honor your courage and boldness as a female leader for having me on and being willing to talk about these topics cuz not everybody is willing to. And thank you for your openness and I hope that it's been helpful to those listening.
Dawn Andrews [00:46:30]
Again, thank you so much everybody. Check out the show notes, grab Courtney's free gift and start scheduling whether joyfully or on purpose, but schedule your joyful moments. Find me on Instagram and share with me.DM me and let me know how these joy breaks are going for you. Where can they find you online, Courtney?
Courtney Long [00:46:50] They can find me at my website. Courtneyfaelong.com
Dawn Andrews [00:46:54] Excellent. Is that the best place to connect with you too?
Courtney Long [00:46:56]
Yes, absolutely. Yep. Yeah, this is best place. I'm also on Facebook and Instagram and LinkedIn too, as username or handle is Courtney Fae Long with a fae.
Dawn Andrews [00:47:06] Yes, like the fairy.
Courtney Long [00:47:08] Yep, exactly. Yep.
Dawn Andrews [00:47:11]
I love it. Okay. @courtneyfaelong on Instagram and @freerangethinking on Instagram, please DM us and let us know how your joy breaks are going, if you're finding any more balance, and a little less stress and filling your energy buckets. All right, thank you again for being with me today,
Courtney Long [00:47:27] Thank you so much, Dawn. Thank you.
Dawn Andrews [00:47:30]
Thank you for joining me this week. To view the complete show notes and all the links mentioned in today's episode, visit mygoodwoman.com. And before you go, make sure you follow or subscribe to the podcast so you can receive fresh episodes when they drop. And if you're enjoying my Good Woman, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts.
Reviews are one of the major ways that Apple ranks their pods. So even though it takes only a few seconds, it really does make a difference and helps our show grow. This episode was produced by me and Julissa Ramirez. Thank you again for joining me, Dawn Andrews in this episode of My Good Woman.