009 | MGW Shorts - How to Rise and Lead Through Grief, Loss and Trauma as Female Leaders

How do you rise and lead when you're experiencing grief, loss, and trauma? And my short answer today is, “I don't freaking know.” 

Today’s episode is a little different than those we’ve had so far. It's brief, more personal, and sometimes confessional. But always real, vulnerable, and created to leave you connected and inspired as a leader.

This past week, a friend died horribly and tragically, and I'm grieving the loss. I'm vacillating between sadness and rage and gratitude and pushing all those feelings down. I'm looking at the world with a particular set of eyes because this loss popped the top off so much bottled-up anguish that I feel as a human being in this country and on the planet. 

So that’s what I want to talk about. How to show up and lead (or not) when you’re dealing with loss, trauma, or any of the other hurdles life throws in our path when we’re least expecting it. And if that’s you too right now, my Good Woman, please know that I am sending you my love, support, and compassion - and especially sending you big hugs.

This episode at a glance:

[01:47] Dealing with the torrent of feelings that come with grief, loss, trauma, and life in 2022.

[03:05] Holding onto your feelings because of how you think you’re “supposed” to behave as a leader. People are counting on you, and there’s always stuff that “must get done.”

[04:58] Leadership does not mean showing up perfectly every time. Give yourself space and grace to process the emotions in front of you. 

More about the “My Good Woman” podcast
My Good Woman is a podcast for new and future female leaders hosted by Dawn Andrews!  I’m a happily married hockey mom, proud female leader, and founder and CEO of Free Range Thinking, where we turn founders into confident CEOs with strategic consulting and leadership training.

Grab a seat at the table with me each week for candid conversations with culture-shifting, glass ceiling-busting, trailblazing women who are leading enterprises that are changing the world. We discuss what makes them tick and how they get it all done. And we share actionable strategies to help you grow your company's profit and impact. 

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Want to increase revenue and impact? Listen to “My Good Woman” for insights on business strategy and female leadership to scale your business. Each episode offers advice on effective communication, team building, and management. Learn to master routines and systems to boost productivity and prevent burnout. Our delegation tips and business consulting will advance your executive leadership skills and presence.

Transcript

My Good Woman Transcript
Ep. 09 | MGW Shorts - How to Rise and Lead Through Grief, Loss and Trauma

[00:00:01] Hello, friends. Welcome to My Good Woman, the podcast for New and Future Female Leaders. I'm your host, Dawn Andrews, a happily married hockey mom and the founder and CEO of Free Range Thinking Business Strategy Consulting. Grab a seat at the table with me each week for candid conversations with culture-shifting, glass, ceiling-busting, trailblazing women leading impactful enterprises. We discuss what makes them tick, how they get it all done, and actionable strategies to help you lead with confidence and grow the visibility, reach, and revenue of your business. We're classy, ladies, but we don't bleep the swear words. Listener discretion is advised. 

[00:01:03] My good woman. Welcome to my good woman Shorts. This is a different kind of episode than what you're used to. It's brief, more personal, sometimes confessional, always vulnerable, and created with the intention of leaving you connected and inspired as a leader. 

[00:01:23] They say you shouldn't tell your story while you're still bleeding from it. I'm breaking that rule. I'm bleeding and in a tough space today. I had a different episode planned for this moment, but before I'm able to deliver that, I needed to talk about being a leader and grief. You see, this past week, a friend of mine died horribly and tragically, and I'm grieving the loss. 

[00:01:47] I'm vacillating between sadness and rage and gratitude and pushing all those feelings down. I'm looking at the world with a particular set of eyes because this loss popped the top off so much bottled-up anguish, I feel like a human being in this country and on the planet. And I'm stuck right now by the difference between how men and women grieve. My husband compartmentalizes his emotions, and things get real when they get real. Men have the capacity to bottle it up because they want to or because they have to. And sometimes I find that a luxury. 

[00:02:24] As a female and a leader, I've been very judgmental of myself today because my feelings are not bottled up. I got up at 5 a.m. with a big to-do list of things that I'm behind on, and I have been completely derailed today because I have big emotions and I'm not allowing it to be okay. I even spent part of the day trying to distract myself, meditate, write, to push or speed past it. And it's like a tsunami. The waves of emotions are surprising and seemingly out of my control. 

[00:02:54] When I allow it of myself I'm an empath. I literally feel the pain of others in my body. I can't watch those feel AMI videos because it hurts too much. When my son broke his arm recently, I felt it in my bones. And I realize that I've been holding onto my feelings because I'm living in a paradigm of how I think I'm supposed to be as a leader. I feel so much that I'm trying not to feel anything at all, and I'm struggling with how to navigate being productive and feeling my feelings. Because there's always so much to do when you lead when you run a business when people are counting on you in whatever capacity your life requires. There are always things that must be done. 

[00:03:32]  So how do you rise and lead when you're grieving, when you're experiencing loss and trauma? And my short answer today is, I don't fucking know. My short answer is that I just want to tuck into bed right now. I don't know how to process all the different things that I'm feeling. 

[00:03:48] It's like the parking lot at Chavez Ravine, which is in our neighborhood. If any of you have been to a Dodgers game in L.A., you know the challenge that is parking. It's easy to get in, but it can take hours to get out. Once you break past the bottleneck, then cars start flying out of the stadium and onto Sunset Boulevard. 

[00:04:06] And that is what is happening with my feelings over here. 

[00:04:09] It's Pride Month and the six-year anniversary of the Pulse nightclub shooting. And we're finally on the precipice of a modicum of gun control. The likelihood of Roe v Wade being overturned is right on our doorstep. Ukraine. Russia. Inflation. COVID. The climate. And my own loss in this tiny corner of the universe. It's a lot. You know, this big list. And I imagine you feel it, too, and you're managing your feelings. 

[00:04:35] So I'm here. Showing up to feel it out loud for you. That's part of the reason why I'm sharing this short episode with you. It's not to be a downer, because the purpose of this podcast is to amplify the magnificence of female leaders and to inspire you into leadership. I just need you to know that the days, weeks, and sometimes years in leadership are not perfect. 

[00:04:58] There are days like today when I wake up at five, inspired to get things done before my family gets up and then I break down by 11 a.m. because a friend has died. I've spent a good portion of the day on the couch watching the righteous gemstones for a little levity. This is the ride. It's part of being human. And I just want you to give yourself some space and grace as I'm inviting myself to do right now because we can't stand up and fight and take the next actions we need to grow and thrive in our families and businesses and to change the world we're living in if we don't process the emotions that are right here in front of us. 

[00:05:32] We need to break down, to break through. 

[00:05:35] I know this moment will pass, but I didn't want it to go unmarked and unwitnessed. I didn't want the window to close and to go back to living like it was all okay when it is not. I know I will move past this and back into being functional and productive again. And I know this because I'm trained. I have the skills and tools to process, even though I'm in the throes of it right now. But not everyone has those tools and that training. 

[00:05:59] So I guess what I'm taking away from this conversation and sharing with you is to find time to feel your feelings in a way that works for you. Just being able to make a little sliver of space here to share this with you. Makes a difference to me. 

[00:06:12] There are so many resources to feel and process your emotions. My therapist invited me to visit a rage room, and I will tell you more about how that goes later. But you can write. You can talk it out. Use EFT and tap. Workout. Dance. Pray. Schedule your therapy and share if you need to work. Work if you need to rest and nest. Rest and nest. Just please stay connected to your feelings. Don't go numb. 

[00:06:40] It's not your responsibility as a female leader to keep your emotions under wraps because you're concerned people are going to think you're too hysterical or emotional. Just find a way that works for you to let them out so that you can be clear and connected and fully alive, ready to face whatever comes next. 

[00:06:56] And then in the midst of all that, you're dealing with a loss or a trauma that you may have endured or may literally be enduring as we speak. Please know that I am sending you my love, my support, and my compassion, and especially sending you big hugs. My good woman.