Have you ever stopped to think about how much more we could accomplish if we weren’t trying to be perfect? How much time, energy, and talent goes to waste because we feel what we’ve got is not good enough?
Today’s episode goes out to all of us trying to be perfect. The perfect mom, wife, friend and business owner. We want to make a change and make an impact, but we won’t settle for less or allow ourselves to make even the tiniest mistake. Yeah… no pressure, then!
In case we haven't met yet: I’m Dawn, proud mom of two amazing kids, courageous leader, public speaker, and founder of a highly successful business consulting firm.
I’m also a former beauty queen. And nothing will make a woman try to be perfect more than being (literally) judged all the time. A lot of good things came from my beauty pageant days, but one of the not-so-great byproducts was a burning need to be perfect. I spent so many years feeling like I had to be prepared for every eventuality, be ahead of the game, and know all the answers every time.
In this episode, I’ll show you how to let go of perfectionism and
- Take messy, rapid action
- Go for it (whatever your particular “it” might be) in spite of your fears
- Feel confident and proud of your work, even if the results aren’t 100% perfect
This episode at a glance:
[04:05] How fear held me back in my first two years of business. Fear of not being perfect keeps us from taking risks, moving forward, and achieving our goals.
[06:17] Join me in an exercise in choosing progress over perfection. What are you doing now (or soon) that will make a huge difference in your life or business six months from now?
[07:50] Why believing in perfection means believing that there’s only one right way to do something.
[09:49] How the alternative to perfectionism is not failure; it’s honesty and vulnerability which create connection. Being real and vulnerable makes you more likeable and relatable. People are drawn to authenticity.
[12:11] The difference between striving for excellence and being a perfectionist.
Let me know what awkward action you’re taking today and how you’re letting go of perfectionism; I would love to hear from you!
You might also like this article I wrote about how to let go of perfectionism so you can lead with confidence.
More about the “My Good Woman” podcast
My Good Woman is a podcast for new and future female leaders, hosted by me, Dawn Andrews!
I’m a happily married hockey mom, proud female leader, and founder and CEO of Free Range Thinking, where we turn founders into confident CEOs with strategic consulting and leadership training.
Grab a seat at the table with me each week for candid conversations with culture-shifting, glass ceiling-busting, trailblazing women leading enterprises making a change in the world.
We discuss what makes them tick and how they get it all done. And we share actionable strategies to help you and your team get organized - so you can focus on your company’s growth, profit and impact.
If you liked what you heard, don’t forget to follow along, so you never miss an episode. And leave us a review before you go!
Want to increase revenue and impact? Listen to “My Good Woman” for insights on business strategy and female leadership to scale your business. Each episode offers advice on effective communication, team building, and management. Learn to master routines and systems to boost productivity and prevent burnout. Our delegation tips and business consulting will advance your executive leadership skills and presence.
My Good Woman
Ep. 04 | Perfectionism Is Killing Your Business (And How To Fight Back) - with Dawn Andrews
Dawn Andrews [00:00:00]
Oh, my good women. We are talking today about being perfect, y'all. I wasted so much time getting my business started because I was trying to be perfect. I'm a former beauty queen. Did you guys know that? Nothing will make a woman try to be more perfect than feeling like every single part of you, every single interview is being assessed and judged. There were definitely good things that came out of my beauty pageant days, but one of the most difficult byproducts was a need to be perfect and that I needed to be prepared and be ahead of the game and have all the answers. So today we're going to break it down. I'm going to help you let go of perfectionism and learn how to act in spite of your fears, to take messy, rapid action and feel confident and proud doing it. Let's get into it.
Dawn Andrews [00:00:58]
Hello, friends. Welcome to My Good Woman, the podcast for New and Future Female Leaders. I'm your host, Dawn Andrews, a happily married hockey mom and the founder and CEO of Free Range Thinking Business Strategy Consulting. Grab a seat at the table with me each week for candid conversations with culture shifting, glass, ceiling busting, trailblazing women leading impactful enterprises. We discuss what makes them tick, how they get it all done, and actionable strategies to help you lead with confidence and grow the visibility, reach and revenue of your business. We're classy, ladies, but we don't believe the swear words. Listener discretion is advised.
Dawn Andrews [00:02:00]
What on earth took me so long? Oh, at the time of this recording, I've been in business for more than 20 years, which is an extraordinary accomplishment. I'm actually going to take a minute right now to pat myself on the back, because why not? Most of the work that I do is in an office on zoom away from other people. So when it comes time to pat my back, mine are the only hands in the room. When I look back on getting this business started. I remember how excited I was and how much a promise I felt. Starting in this new coaching field. Picture this February 2002. Day one of free range thinking. I woke up. I made my cup of tea. I actually dressed for work. I shuffled out to my office, which is a detached little bungalow in the back of our craftsman home. And I sat down at my oversize 1950s vintage metal desk I bought on Craigslist because I thought it was cool. That sucker was so freakin heavy to get into that office, but it felt majestic and I had no freaking idea of what to do. The office was a complete mess because it had served as a garage slash storage space, a place for hockey gear, Christmas decorations and storage bins stacked floor to ceiling and me like a little island right in the middle of it. I was so overjoyed to be there, but I didn't know how to build a business. The phone, an actual rotary phone because I thought it too was cool and vintage sat on my desk and at that time it looked like it was the size of a Humvee. Just the idea of trying to lift that receiver to make an outgoing call, which even at that point I didn't know I needed to make outgoing calls, looked so overwhelming. In my first five years of business, I averaged about $25,000 a year in revenue from coaching. And one might ask, Why on earth did you stay in business if you're only making $25,000 a year in revenue?
Dawn Andrews [00:03:56]
It seems silly and I totally get it. It seems silly to me to. At the time I thought about giving up on multiple occasions, but I was more determined to work for myself than to work for someone else. And if I had a do over, I'm convinced that my learning and earning curves could have been considerably shortened if I wasn't so afraid of not being perfect. I was afraid that I wasn't good enough. I was afraid of what other people would think or say about me. I was afraid to ask for help, let alone feedback. I was afraid of looking stupid. I was afraid the business would fail. And yet I was afraid to share anything about myself or the business, or that I even had a business. I was afraid to pick up the phone. I was afraid to ask for a sale. I was afraid I wouldn't make any sales. I was afraid that someone would say yes. And then I was afraid of disappointing them all because I wanted to have the perfect right answers before I took any action. I wanted to know it all before I started anything. We treat perfectionism like a humblebrag. I can't tell you how many times I've said, Oh, my greatest weakness is that I want things to be perfect. Perfectionism is just terror wrapped in a pretty package, and it's a huge waste of time. Perfectionism or believing that your self-worth is based on your achievements, can be a crippling personality trait, especially for women. We want to be perfect, to have perfect ideas, to make perfect decisions and lead perfectly happy families and satisfied teams. Oh, I'm exhausted just thinking about it. Perfectionist tendencies are generally connected to emotional wounds or childhood emotional trauma. It could be that you had a parent who withheld love, had extremely rigid or high expectations. Maybe they were critical or shaming or unfortunately, abusive.
Dawn Andrews [00:05:42]
Conversely, receiving excessive praise for your achievements can also leave a person feeling the constant need to prove their worth. But maintaining perfection is simply not possible, and it can take a serious toll on our mental health and well-being. It keeps us from taking risks, moving forward and achieving our goals. Perfectionism can hold you back from stepping into your true potential as a leader and as a female leader. It's important to remember that you aren't perfect, but you don't have to be. You just have to be brave enough to speak up, make a move, and take the lead, even in spite of your fears. One of my mentors. When I started my business, coach Donna Amos, told me to focus on progress over perfection, to get an A-plus in doing C-plus work. And if something wasn't perfect, then tweak it and improve it next time. Even with that advice, it took me a lot of time to put myself out there. 20 years in, I still have a Post-it note on my computer that says Progress, not perfection. Now the turnaround time between consideration and action is nearly instantaneous, but I do still struggle with it, sometimes even leading up to creating this podcast. In fact, let's do this. I'll do it with you. Let's set a calendar reminder for six months from now. And in the entry, right six months ago, I chose progress over perfection. And I. And then fill in the blank. What did you do six months ago? I chose progress over perfection. And I launched a podcast. I launched my new business. Or I changed the way I eat. Or I march for a cause I believe in. Took on a new leadership opportunity. Had the conversation I'd been avoiding. You know, the one you're avoiding. So put something in that calendar invite because this is where the rubber hits the road. You're here because you're ready for something more, because you feel called to leadership. Curious about leadership. You're just ready to step it up. And just talking about it or just listening to it is not going to cause the change you want to have happen. So maybe this is the mic drop moment. Cool. You put it in your calendar, but I actually have more for you. Given that I've really been reflecting on perfectionism and the pain and suffering that it's caused me over the years. I also wanted to share the three biggest things that helped me let go of being perfect and start leading with power. Number one, I realized that perfection is an illusion. Perfection is a lie that our minds want us to believe. To believe in perfection is to commit to black and white thinking. To believing that there is only one right way to do something which seems utterly ridiculous to me when I say it out loud. I kept thinking that there was a perfect elevator pitch level of experience or webpage that had to be executed before I could share what I did and who I was. It caused so many delays. In fact, looking back, if I had really embraced that perfection was an illusion.
Dawn Andrews [00:08:29]
My first five years probably would have been condensed into one. And it's not about being fearless. It's about doing everything in spite of the fear and allowing yourself to get a little bit messy, to be awkward, to be vulnerable, because the perfect moment, pitch or web page doesn't exist. There's always something you can improve. It's a never-ending cycle. It's about making things happen. Despite our imperfections. And the steps that you take may not be perfect, but I promise you they will be good enough. And if they're not good enough, you'll make them better the next time. As the fabulous author Anne Lamott said, perfectionism is the voice of the oppressor and the enemy of change. I don't want to be in the same place three months from now. How about you? So make a start. Take action. Speak up. Even if you're not 100% sure what you're doing. I mean, y'all are listening to it happen and unfolding right here on this microphone right now. You'll learn as you go. You'll make mistakes along the way. And that's okay, because your mistakes will give you the data that you need to make better decisions in the future. Number two, honesty and vulnerability create connection. Even though you won't hear it first. This is technically my first solo episode, and I can't tell you how much I struggled and worried and first over it. And then I finally said, You know what? I'm going to get it done in the next half hour. I'm just going to do it. So you're seeing me right now being honest and vulnerable and sharing with you what it's really like to create this podcast. If you're in a position of leadership, you might be feeling the pressure not to let the cracks show, but nobody has it together all the time. Being real and vulnerable will make you more likable and relatable to your team. People are drawn to authenticity, and they appreciate leaders who aren't afraid to show their humanity and their awkwardness. It's simply impossible to control everything related to your business. The sooner you realize this and learn to let go and trust others, the more impact you'll be able to make. Honestly, this is a lesson I'm still learning, but that's why I'm teaching it to you. Because I'm learning it as I'm sharing it. Vulnerability is a strength, not a weakness. So if you let your guard down from time to time, share your fears and doubts with your team, and be open about the challenges you're facing. Bill, appreciate your honesty and feel more connected to you as a result. So be honest about where you are even if you don't have it all figured out. Okay? Number three embrace your imperfections because they make you unique and powerful.
Dawn Andrews [00:10:44]
What makes you weird makes you great. I sing talk. Sometimes I like to sing what I'm doing. I love lowbrow humor. I eat popcorn with chopsticks because I love the taste and hate the feel. Yes, sometimes I bring the chopsticks to the movie theater. Otherwise, I just use my tongue and stick it in the bucket, which is, I don't know. I guess it's kind of gross. But I get my own bucket. So you get your own. I get my own. We're all good. When we embrace our imperfections, we become more authentic leaders. And by doing so, we show others that it's okay to be themselves too. Not to mention the amount of time and energy that you save yourself being fully self-expressed. If you're trying to put a veneer over the top of who you are and lead because you think you should look like or sound like or be like some other leader, that's just energy you could be putting into results, putting into connecting with your people, putting into having fun or just taking some time for yourself. If COVID and the shift to life and business over Zoom have taught us anything is that leadership is about being yourself, flaws and all. And even as we continue to move through and perhaps out of this pandemic, don't let go of weird. Allow yourself to stay true and stay real. Try to keep that openness alive. Let the cracks show because that's where the light comes in. Lean into what makes you extraordinary so you can lead in your unique way. Okay. Whoo! So this whole conversation was about breaking free from the perfectionism trap so that we can lead with more confidence and be the leaders that we know that we want to be. But. We need to understand that there's a big difference between striving for excellence and being a perfectionist. Excellence is about doing your best in every situation and learning from your mistakes. Perfectionism is about never making mistakes, which just is impossible. Secondly, we need to know how to forgive ourselves. Acknowledge that you've done your best. It may not have been good enough this time, but you learned something valuable and you can apply it to the future. And finally, give yourself permission to move on. Don't dwell on past failures or let them prevent you from trying again the next time you try something new. You will make mistakes and that is okay. Leading with power isn't about perfection. It's about doing your best and treating people with respect. Focusing on results and striving to improve every time. So I'm inviting you to step up, take action, and lead with confidence, even if you don't have it all figured out yet. In fact, I would love if you would share with me some medium and let me know about the awkward progress that you made. Thanks for spending your time with me again today. I'm appreciating you, my good woman. See you soon.
Dawn Andrews [00:13:26]
Thank you for joining us this week to view the complete show notes and all the links mentioned in today's episode. Visit MyGoodWoman.com. Before you go, make sure you follow or subscribe to the podcast so you can receive fresh episodes when they drop. And if you're enjoying My Good Woman, leave us a review on Apple Podcasts. Reviews are one of the major ways that Apple ranks their podcasts, so even though it only takes a few seconds, it really does make a difference. This episode was produced by me and Kathleena Shaughnessy. Thank you again for joining me, Dawn Andrews, and this episode of My Good Woman.